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I often look back and wonder about all the information I’ve put into the InterTubes over the years. I’ve been using the net for close to 15 years now…so long that my primary e-mail address on Yahoo didn’t even require me to put any numbers at the end. I am THE Karl Erikson at Yahoo, baby.
I’ve long ago lost my old web site. Well, truthfully, it’s still residing on an old PC somewhere in the garage. Or maybe the shed. At any rate, it’s as good as dead.
But there are a few rare people that know me from back on Blurty and LiveJournal, where I blogged before coming to the marvel that is SecondHand Tryptophan. Hilly is one of those people. We’ve known each other for 7 years now, I’m thinking. And she’s truly my best friend.
That’s why I think it’s about fucking time she awarded me with her Blogger of the Month award. Hell, I’ve often praised her beautiful breasts, ever since she pretty much gave me a free shot when I visited her last year. She was walking around upstairs in her bedroom, the door wide open, and WAM! Boobs…nearly full frontal. OK, maybe not full frontal, but it WAS boobs. And they were spectacular.
Yesterday, Hilly talked me up and spitshined my ass, before awarding me with this:
I figured that with the awards coming at me left and right, I’d better start my own Awards page, so there ya go. I’ve won other awards over the years, but I can’t remember where they’re all at now. Actually, I can, they’re on my dead PC. Not the one I mentioned earlier, ANOTHER one.
Today I’m going to talk about something that’s still fairly new to me: Twitter. I’ve only been signed up, I think, since December or January. I couldn’t imagine what the hell this Twitter thing was for so I had to give it a shot. Sure enough, now I’m hooked.
Why I Won’t Follow You on Twitter
So, you got yourself a Twitter account, do you? That’s marvelous. I’ve got one, too. In fact, you can follow my Twitter here. But don’t think that just because you follow me, I’ll automatically follow you back. There are rules that must be followed (so to speak) in order for you to earn a following from me.
This is actually going to be a rather short post (relative to last week’s post about blogging). I always get lots of good feedback whenever I do one of my Why Series posts. That’s because most people recognize me as the arbiter of all things geeky and Netlike.
Please note any and all items below that have an “X” before them. Correct said problems and resubmit your application to have me follow you in 6 months.
[___] You have hundreds or thousands of followers already.
Right, here are my stats, though I just pruned my followers down to 135 by using the criteria I’m about to describe. I have a reasonable amount (even though it seems rather large) of followers, AND a reasonable amount of people I’m following.
Now here are some of the stats of people following me.
Gone, and gone. I was following them, but cut out all the ridiculous idiots that are clearly more insecure than I am. How the FUCK can you possibly “follow” over 1,000 people? You can’t.
Listen, I’m following people I’m interested in, people that I care about, people that I interact with. Don’t even dream of telling me that you can seriously keep track of over 1,000 people. I want to be paid attention to, not just labeled as another number amongst thousands. Screw you, I will NEVER follow you.
2,762 people following you? OK, that in and of itself is not cause for instant unfollowing. I mean, I can see you having that many followers if you’re, say, Barack Obama or CNN. But you’re following 1,320? Um, yeah, REMOVED.
The second one there with 274 followings and 319 followers…I didn’t remove them, but that’s pushing it in a big way. Settle down there, Hoss.
What I’m seeing a lot of now - and I get anywhere from 10-50 new followers a day lately - is HUGE numbers of followers and followings, paired with maybe 20 updates. Um, hello? Maybe start WRITING something and Tweeting (or Twatting, whatever you call it) and THEN build a following? Cart before horse? Yeah.
Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I decided to put this guy’s name in there and everything. His user name is Damiano. He’s clearly a big asshole. Do I need to say any more?
These fuckwads can follow me all damn day, but don’t expect me to follow you back if you’re following over 400 or 500 people.
Now this one is sweet. Look at how clean and pristine this person’s Twitter is. Following only one person, being followed by two. Only seven updates. Methinks this girl is dead. I mean, how can anyone only follow one person? Beyond the first five minutes you’re using Twitter.
The trouble is I’m following her but she’s not following me. So I removed her.
OK, I’m kidding. I didn’t. I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m following HER, though. Maybe she flirted with me and made me feel special or something. Don’t know. But luckily for her, I shall remain one of her two followers.
Um, yeah, that’s pretty much all I have to say on this subject. I could get into all the reason I quit following people for how boring they are on Twitter, or because they do nothing but post links from Tiny URL, but I won’t. I’m fairly lenient when it comes to Twitter because it doesn’t require the same level of commitment that reading blogs does. It’s either on or off and if you miss shit because you’re away from your computer, then it’s no big deal.
I’m just really getting irritated with the audacity of clowns like I point out above. Who the fuck do you think you are with 18,000 followers? What’s next? You’re going to start walking on water? Changing my water into Guinness?
Idiots.
I Can’t Stand Losing You When You Stand So Close to Me While I’m Walking on the Moon, RoxanneAnother Six Quirky ThingsWhere’s the Giant Hook Thingee to Get Those People Off the Stage? Filed under 2HT Mentions, Blogging, Web/Tech |58 Responses to “Why I Won’t Follow You on Twitter”
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I think I follow less than ten people
I would check my stats to see if I fit your criteria (which I am pretty sure I do since you are following me), but the Twitter is down or broken or something. Stupid Twitter. What am I supposed to do now? Go to sleep?!
2 followers & following 1? Sounds like my kind of chick! Truth be told I have no idea what this “following” business is all about, I’ve never really looked into Twitter…sounds like a headache. Well, unless your that girl that’s only following one!
PS - Congrats on the award from Hilly! Well deserved.
You earned that award, fair and square. I guess.
I have a Twitter, but I rarely use it. I can’t be everywhere, people! I don’t WANT people to know what I’m doing or thinking 24/7. That’s just creepy - and boring.
So of course now I’ll follow you. Haha
Shelli - yeah, it’s down quite a bit. And you meet the criteria just fine.
Glenda - it’s not a pain, actually. It’s quite fun at times. And since you only send a maximum of 140 characters at a time, it keeps things pretty succinct.
Sybil Law - my life is an open book (for the most part). There’s a webcam people can watch me on most days. Sometimes I don’t feel like turning it on. But I don’t typically Twitter about mundane boring crap, anyway.
Excellent criteria. My policies on Twitter following are much the same. Congrats on seeing Hilly’s hills, and for finally making the cut for her blogger of the month!
I can barely maintain my blog, let alone twitter. I’ve stayed clear so far.
I still don’t really get Twitter. Why do I care what people I’ve never met are doing? It makes no sense..
OMG, I totally have an old bondi blue iMac sitting in my closet because on it’s hard drive it holds probably the only copy of my old website from 1998/1999. Which, btw, I fully believe is completely gone to the ether. I don’t completely buy that everything lives forever on the web. I think it’s gone.
Congrats on the Snackiepoo recognition, well deserved!
Now I’m off to make sure you’re still following me on Twitter…
OMG, no one should use “it’s/its” in a sentence after 10pm. Screw up is inevitable. Sigh.
Congrats on the award! Much deserved. I like how she color coordinated it for your site.
Twitter is new for me. I have to admit to being shocked as shit to find that Avitable is now following me… I’m not yet sure if that is a good or a bad thing.
I’ve had winterheart.com since 94 or 95 and rottnroll.com since 99. So the sites are still up, but the old files from past incarnations are gone.
Congrats on the award! Your recent naked shot was what tipped the balance, I’m sure ;o)
I absolutely agree with you about Twitter. I have more than enough trouble keeping up with my 22 (I think) Tweeps.
I forgot to say congratulations. That post (you know, the naked one) was the awesomest and for that alone you deserve blogger of the month. So, congrats!
I am right there with you! I trimmed my list of followers down. I have started blocking them.
You better be following me, bitch.
OMG! Yours is the first blog I’ve read in probably two weeks. I’m having withdrawals, but I have been Twittering a little bit and “Crackbooking” as well. Anyway… I love the new look over here. Very nice!
As DaDuck said, I’m thinking of blocking those nitwits who follow 20,000 people. That’s just stupid! I follow 44 people, and I’m very selective now as to whom I will add. I don’t like to get 200 updates in an hour either. So, I drop those people like a bad habit. OK, so I don’t drop my bad habits, cut me some slack! ;D
Geez, what’d I do to get bumped from the list? I’m only following 52. Well 51 now, since your removing me required rebuttal.
Twitter is fun, even though I am still figuring the whole thing out.
Cool, on the award
I guess I’m an asshole, but I am followed by over 500 people, most of which are bloggers. I follow back the bloggers and don’t follow back the spammy people, so I follow about 400+ people.
Now that might sound silly, but I check my reply folder and use it and do check in at least 342 times a day.
Why do I do it? It’s all about connections - and I love being able to talk with whoever is on at the time. No, I don’t catch every update, but it’s been great to branch out beyond the mommyblogging cult and see what techie people and runners are doing. I find that interesting too. A WAHM’s life isn’t all Tide and fucking dishwater, man.
Right now, my Twitter stats look like this:
Following 93
Followers 77
I’m already thinking of paring down the number of people I follow because I’d really prefer to keep the list to people I know and people I follow because they have interesting information that I can get more quickly via Twitter than by reading blogs. Even keeping up with 93 (some of whom aren’t very active) gets pretty challenging.
I guess now I have to figure out how this whole Twitter thing works. I know that a few bloggers I read use this thing but I haven’t really even looked into it. I promise that if I do decide to Twitter/Twatter/Twutter wtf-ever I will follow your guidelines so you will follow me.
Congrats on the award.
And don’t you worry sugar–I don’t Twitter —I giggle.
Everyone sems to be doing Twitter. I have no idea what it even is, so I guess I need to go check it out. And yes, if you all jumped off a bridge I guess I’d follow.
Just one quick question? After pimping you out all over my blog as of late, did I make the cut?
Whit - It’s not difficult, actually. I leave my Twitter client open most of the day and look at it every so often.
Freelance Guru - You know, it’s kind of a weird thing, Twitter. Like little mini blogs. I don’t know how to explain it, one of those things you just have to try.
LizRiz - Ha, I didn’t even catch that “it’s” early this morning. I, too, was tired. Funny, I wonder how many people are holding on to their old computers like us.
Winter - Yeah, I’ve thought about looking on the old Wayback Machine to see if I’m in there, but just haven’t gotten around to it.
Penelope - It’s really not hard to keep track of the people I follow. Course, I’m not exactly keeping my eyes glued to my Twitter client, either.
Shelli - thanks!
DaDuck - Yeah, I haven’t done the blocking thing. Not sure what good that’d do. Like I said, I don’t care if the entire world follows me, as long as I don’t have to reciprocate.
Mr. Fabulous - You’re followed, bitch. Now calm yourself down.
Geeky TaiTai - Glad you like the new site.
Miss Anne Derstood - Oops, I don’t know how that happened, actually. You’re readded. I might have gotten a tad over-excited unfollowing people last night.
Sandi - thank you.
Karen - wow, that’s a lot! You’re still on my list. Personal friends are kind of an exception. So far. If you start following 18,000 people, though, you’re outta there.
Average Jane - Yeah, it’s nice to have an intimate feel to Twitter, which is why I’m so against people following thousands.
Lady Jaye - Once you start, there’s no going back.
Turnbaby - And what a giggle it is.
Ms. Batman - You make the cut.
I keep getting this one guy who over and over requests to follow me. I have no idea who he is and he has waaaaay too many followers. I don’t think he is getting the message that I am not interested.
I like when people say, “Hoss.” Hee hee.
Twitter can be cool… but there are too many people trying to use it to build traffic and SEO rankings. There are times that I think following even just the people I know can be overload… but like you said, if you miss something it isn’t the end of the world.
This is great! What is with all the random adds? Where do they find us? My finest random follower is “Twitter Singles.” Um, okay…
I’ll be following your ass till the end of tiiiiiimeeeeeeeeeeeeee muahhahahahahahahahahahah
I think I’ve already moved beyond Twitter. I check it very occasionally and it just doesn’t, well, do it for me. It was cool for an instant and that’s about it.
I have 20 more followers than I follow…but that’s because I just don’t find the others interesting…
Yahoo emails have numbers in it? I must be pretty old school then myself. Yikes! And I really don’t use it much anymore since it started getting so much junk mail.
I don’t have a twitter account. I don’t even really keep up with Facebook.
I think the main point of having shitloads of people follow you is that when you twit about a new blog post, that you hope you’ll get a couple of new people stopping by to see your blog.
I got hooked on Twitter when a friend wanted to use it for job-related purposes. We both signed up at the same time and I embraced it and he found another option. We also signed up for Pownce at the same time. I like Pownce’s interface and features better, but there’s hardly anyone on it. I have to force myself to update my Pownce. Twitter is more blanketed with cool people, like Karl (and Dave and Hilly and others, too)
I guess since you are following me, it means you care. Either that or my twits are interesting enough to keep you following.
Damn. Now I have to go twatter more so you’ll follow me.
It’s funny to see your Twitter thinking in writing. It’s all the steps I go through if I get followed too- just never thought to capture them in writing.
Yeah, it’s about time that bitchwhoreslut recognized your um….talents.
Twitter is my favortiest networking site to date. It amazes me that I am not sick of it. I have this thing about my numbers being fairly even so I think I will go block people who annoy me today. I mean, really…does that dude with 60,000 friends need me?
I don’t block anyone because “meh, whatever, stalk away dude” - but I only follow people I know or who have links or something so I CAN know them.
I’m terribly important like that.
LVGurl - Twitter Singles? I don’t even want to know what’s going on there.
Dutchy - Promises, promises.
Kapgar - well, I’m not on it all the time or anything. I still like it. Gives you another view of the people I know and read.
Maria - Yeah, there are a number of people I just don’t find interesting, either.
Lynda - I’m sure if I were to sign up for a new Yahoo address I’d wind up with karlerikson598@yahoo.com or something.
Marty - Yeah, Twitter is good for announcing new blog posts. I use Twitter Tools plugin for that, it rocks. Never tried Pownce.
Angie - ha, Twatter away.
Lindsay - Someone’s got to write all this stuff down so the world knows how to operate.
Hilly - Prexactly! If you have that many followers, what do you need me for?
Miss Britt - Yeah, I look for links, too.
i still have no idea how the whole twitter thing works. i’m kind of a moron, actually.
I think you may be my new hero. I flip when people add me to twitter, facebook etc. when I do not know them. I then asked someone who *knows* me to follow her on twitter, she *let* me follow her, but didn’t add me. So there I was answering her most self absorbed important questions and she wasn’t getting my answers. I removed her promptly and then with vengeance started deleting every fucktard that I could care less about.
I won’t ask you to add me yet…we just met. LOL
I find it strange when someone I don’t know (or know of) begins to follow me on Twitter. It is not as if I am a famous blogger (like Blogography - he has tons of followers, me included - or Dooce or Blurbomat) where I would have tons of readers I wouldn’t know by name or face wishing to follow me. I suppose I too have rules for who I will or will not follow on Twitter. I follow bloggers whose writing and/or sense of humor I enjoy; people I know and like to keep caught up with even when we don’t have time for regular phone calls or e-mails; and random organizations or websites with which I’d like to stay on top of their happenings. I will be following you on Twitter shortly because we (I have discovered via your various posts, since Avitable pointed readers in your direction) evidently have some things in common (depression for one).
Chatty - Even if you @reply to someone who isn’t following you, they’ll see the Tweet since their username is attached to it.
Gina - thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I follow people that I either know/read, or sometimes if I see people I follow “talking” to someone, I’ll add them that way.
This twitter twatter twitterpated thing-a-ma-bobber sounds like a neat thing to have. I’m thinking I’m gonna have to give it a try!
I must be missing something.I don’t twitter.The thought of people following my every move is a bit disturbing.Wanna know how often I change the channel or take the puppy out to poop? Creepy!
Metalmom - but that’s the thing. Nobody can follow your every move, unless you TYPE OUT your every move. It’s more the occasional thing than an every-moment thing.
Alright, alright…even I have to admit the name can be a rather long one to type. Henceforth, just call me Shiny.
Yes, I’m another Shiny, but the female version. I blogged about the male version after Winter brought it to my attention that there’s another Shiny out in the blogosphere. I considered changing the name so as to prevent confusion, but Shiny talked me into keeping the name!
you MUST follow me.
because i am really, really, ridiculously good looking. just like Derek Zoolander.
ha. just kidding. on second thought, i’m really, really uninteresting. so maybe you don’t want to follow me…
Ali - You had me at good looking.
@ Karl: Thanks for following me!
@ RXVenomQueen: When I think of Shiny I think of the Firefly series and of Serenity. “Everything’s shiny, Cap’n.”
Surfed on over from Angie’s “Barbed and Wired” blog….and found you pretty freakin funny! Just signed up for twitter about a week ago…and am….following nobody and being followed by nobody! Yay for me!
Still trying to figure it all out-my friends haven’t even heard of Twitter…so I wonder-WHY I even signed up for it. Either I AM the most tech savy in my bunch (scary) or I don’t know anyone! LOL
Thanks for a good read~ I will stop by from now on!