Now Get Women’s Erotic Juices in a Bottle

This is a post meant for the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008, to generate donations for The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). You can visit the GBBMC page for all the information you need about RAINN and the campaign. More links available at the end of the post.

Who says that you don’t learn new things every day? Not I. Thanks to the GBBMC, I have discovered some new blogs, most notably Hootchi Cootchi, who has turned me on to the most marvelous new thing.

Vulva.

Vulva, so they say, is the erotic, intimate scent of a woman in a bottle. Yes, that’s right, for guys like me that aren’t getting nearly enough action, now we can open a bottle of Vulva and get a good whiff of “the precious, vaginal odor.” I think this totally rocks.

Should I mention at this point that the above site is Not Safe For Work? I’d hope that was obvious, but you never know. Oh, believe me, you WANT to go look at this site. It has VIDEO! I’m all over this shit.

I can see all sorts of practical applications for this. First off, I’ll run with the theory that pussy attracts more pussy. I’ll spray it all over myself and wait for the vulvas to gather round and rub themselves all over me. Perhaps I’ll wander through our local mall and, by the time I exit just off the Food Court, I’ll have pussy galore, women just pawing at me, wanting to spread their scent all over my body!

Then there’s coming home from a hard day at work to the intoxicating scent of Vulva. Feel all those stressful elements just melt away, thanks to the lovely aroma of vagina. It’s like Calgon, but with more hoobastank.

All this for only 20 euros. I don’t even know what the symbol is for Euros since they’re rather insignificant to me. But there’s probably a conversion rate that makes it cost $280, since the dollar is doing so well lately.

I’m seriously thinking of buying some of this Vulva. I love the idea that I can buy Vulva legally, even here in the United States. And with as much action as I’m seeing of late, it’s probably as close as I’m going to get to a woman’s vulva for the foreseeable future.

In fact, I’ve decided that this is such a brilliant idea, I’m going to start bottling my own erotic fragrances and call it “Phallus.”

There will be more than one Phallus, of course. There’s Phallus: Clean, the freshly showered scent of my penis.

Then, for all you filthy women out there who like it down and dirty, I’ve also got Phallus: Slut, which is all the luscious sexual juices that gather on my crotch after a good hard shag.

And Phallus: Dirty, which will be the aromatic fragrance of smegma and sweat off of my balls after a good week with no shower.

Tell me you’re not all hot and bothered right now. Tell me you don’t want to bury your face in my crotch and just inhale my intriguing scent.

I’ve already got the photos ready, now I just need to get into the lab and start work on those luscious smells. And hey, if you feel like showing me your vulva, that’d really help move things along.

DONATE TO RAINN HERE. When you donate, please make sure you reference “GBBMC2008,” and include my name (Karl Erikson) and blog name (duh, SecondHand Tryptophan).

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