Much Bigger Picture

Welcome to everyone who got here because of the TWO Perfect Post Awards I was given for this post. Many thanks to Shelli and Miss Britt for awarding these to me. I never expected such a response for this post, but I’m glad it stirred up a lot of people. It’s all about awareness as far as I’m concerned.

Thanks so much for coming by! – Karl

This is a post meant for the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008, to generate donations for The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). You can visit the GBBMC page for all the information you need about RAINN and the campaign. More links available at the end of the post. Please donate!

I know I promised that my next RAINN story would be about the time I lost my virginity, but that’ll have to wait until next time. With little more than a week left in the GBBMC campaign, I wanted to talk seriously about RAINN and its importance.

That’s right, no jokes today. I’ll bring back the funny later.

Let’s start with some rather alarming statistics.

And by the way, though many of these statistics were gathered using America as the metric, that isn’t to minimize sexual assaults around the world. It’s just that RAINN is based in America.

Did you know that every two minutes another American is sexually assaulted? EVERY TWO MINUTES. Almost half of those people are under the age of 18. Over 80% of all sexual assault victims are under the age of 30.

One out of every six women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. For men, that’s 1 out of every 33.

60% of all sexual assaults are never reported to the police.

That hasn’t freaked you out yet? How about these stats regarding children?

15% of sexual assault and rape victims are under age 12.

• 29% are age 12-17.
• 44% are under age 18.
• 80% are under age 30.
• 12-34 are the highest risk years.
• Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.

• 7% of girls in grades 5-8 and 12% of girls in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused.

• 3% of boys grades 5-8 and 5% of boys in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused.

In 1995, local child protection service agencies identified 126,000 children who were victims of either substantiated or indicated sexual abuse.

• Of these, 75% were girls.
• Nearly 30% of child victims were between the age of 4 and 7.

93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker.

• 34.2% of attackers were family members.
• 58.7% were acquaintances.
• Only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to the victim.

You can find all of these and more troubling numbers at the RAINN site. It doesn’t take any digging, they’re all there for you to see.

I understand that the stats are overwhelming. So skip the numbers if you must, but read on.

When I saw Charlie Daniels the other night, one of the things he said that got huge applause (including from me) was that there is NEVER an excuse for sexual abuse on anyone, especially children. And while I personally do not believe in the death penalty (that’s a subject for a different day), I admit that hearing Charlie say abusers should hang from a short rope off a high branch sounded pretty fucking good.

Perhaps you’re fortunate enough to have never experienced sexual abuse or rape in your life. I guarantee, however, that you know someone who has been a victim. Trust me, even if you think you don’t, you do. Like depression, you can’t recognize a sexual assault victim by sight. Cannot be done.

And those victims you know (and honestly, I hate the word “victim” but I’ll use it here in this context because it applies) are very likely never to speak of the atrocities done to them. You’ll probably never hear them speak about it, even if you happen to be their closest friend. Why?

Because there is an unwritten law that says victims of sexual abuse do NOT TALK. Compare it to Fight Club if you will. It’s just not something you do, talking about abuse. It doesn’t even have to be explicitly stated by the abuser, either. It’s implied. And it’s FOLLOWED, no matter what age you are.

This is why organizations like RAINN are crucial to people everywhere. They have a 24-hour hotline and they’ve taken great pains to make sure every call, every visit to their site, remains anonymous. They don’t collect IP addresses, don’t trace any phone lines, don’t even have Caller ID. Because, believe me, if any of those measures were used, the calls would dry up in a heartbeat.

The phone number is 800-656-HOPE. If you have been raped or sexually assaulted in any capacity, I hope you’ll write that number down and use it. And if you know of a child being abused, God forbid, I hope you’ll call the authorities. Not tomorrow. NOW.

I happen to know quite a bit about this topic, though the statistics still shock me (and that’s not easy to do these days). And I know that many of you donate money to a number of charitable organizations and worthy individuals. Granted, I can’t always give. I’ve told you why…I’m on a very limited monthly income. But I still give $5 here and $20 there when I can, whether it’s to the Red Cross or friends of mine or RAINN.

I’m asking you personally if you have anything to give – anything - to please consider making a donation to this amazing organization. They are networked in with many abuse shelters around the country. And if you’re outside the States, that’s cool, too. I hope you’ll consider giving to a similar organization in your country or town.

For those of you that may still be wondering if you actually know anyone who is a victim of sexual abuse…

You’re looking at a survivor of sexual abuse right here.

I’m not admitting this for pity. And please don’t ask me any further questions about my own experiences. What I say here is all I’m willing to say.

I do this to prove a point. You really never know who is a survivor. That’s the word I prefer to use, by the way, survivor. I WAS a victim, as is any child who is violated so cruelly and irrevocably. Yeah, I’m one of those 15% mentioned above.

Now I’m a survivor.

This shit affects me every single day. And I guaranfuckingtee you it affects people that YOU know, too. If you’re not a survivor, then you know some. Really, one out of every six women. Millions and millions of women. 2.7 MILLION men (yes, this is not a gender-specific issue). Millions of children.

It’s weird. It boils my fucking blood when I think of someone else being abused. But when I think about my own stories? I barely feel a damn thing. I’m still working on that, it’s a lifelong struggle. It’s also rather common as a survivor to shut your emotions down so you don’t feel ANYTHING. It’s a safety mechanism.

I’ve heard the word “resilient” used by many therapists over the years, used to describe me. ME. I hate that fucking word, too. Resilient just means you can take a lot of shit and not die. I’ve often wished I were dead. Hell, I tried to do something about it 13 years ago. To just cease existing, to not feel any pain any more? It can be very alluring to survivors.

I won’t ever act on those impulses again.

I talk about this because of the much bigger picture. And because I know for a fact (just based on the numbers) that there are at least a handful of you reading this right now that are survivors. And if you’ve never asked anyone for help, if you’ve never raised your hand to admit these horrors out loud – not to ANYONE, EVER – I hope you’ll do so now.

There IS hope. There IS help.

Most importantly, you are NOT alone. You’re NOT the only one, as much as a freak you might feel like. That’s the abuse talking, trying to make you stay silent.

It doesn’t have to win.

DONATE TO RAINN HERE. When you donate, please make sure you reference “GBBMC2008,” and include my name (Karl Erikson) and blog name (SecondHand Tryptophan).

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