If I Start Liking Country Music I’ll Have to Kill My Mother

April 20th, 2008

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Right, so it’s nearly 2 in the morning and I normally have my posts ready to publish at midnight. Not today, apparently. No, I went once again to Cypress Gardens (an amusement park about 45 minutes away) to see what I thought was going to be another country-western concert.

It was, in fact, pretty much a country-western concert…the Charlie Daniels Band. Yes, I only know one Charlie Daniels song - the same one you ALL know. “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” It came out when I was, what, 13 or 14? And yes, despite my vehemence toward country music, that song fucking rocks.

My mom, God love her, is a huge country music fan from WAY back…before country music took its immensely popular turn toward George Strait and Garth Brooks and, um, that’s all I can really name. But you know what I’m saying. There’s pretty much a “new wave” of country music in the last 15 years. The old school guys are people like Charlie Daniels and Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash.

Anyway, as it turns out, 38 Special was one of the opening acts! Schwing! They were HUGE when I was in high school. That awesome southern fried rock sound. “Hold on Loosely” and “Caught Up in You,” right? They did a good job, though it was pretty obvious that they can’t hit the same notes they did 30 years ago. Still, I was swept up in the awesomeness of 80’s nostalgia. They rocked.

In the last couple of months, Mom and I have gone to several concerts of the country-western genre. The Oak Ridge Boys, Mel Tillis, and now Charlie Daniels. Yes, I’m a very good son. I don’t like country music, but I’m the first to admit that there’s a fine line between rock and country. Listen to The Eagles, for example, or 38 Special…that works, too.

I was blown away by Charlie Daniels. That fucking band slammed every instrument to the wall and jammed. I mean, seriously JAMMED. The bulk of it was fast-paced stuff, with only one gospel song to slow things down. Every musician there, all six of them (including Charlie) absolutely WHALED. I was impressed.

In the end, it was over 3-1/2 hours of show…two opening acts and then Charlie Daniels. Great freaking show. If all country music sounded like that, I might have a serious problem on my hands.

Anyway, I took a mess of pictures. Here are just a handful.

Dead Wallabies

Such a shame. All the wallabies were dead.

Bird on head

You might think I took this picture because the bird flew and landed on this woman’s head. But no. This bird is a fucking thief! It landed on my head, too, and then it flew and landed on my arm, only to break my fucking watch! Seriously. It stole the stem off my Timex. I have to buy a new watch now. I will kill this bird.

Come on in

“Come on in, the water’s fine.”

Big, but not Guinness

Sure, it’s big. But it’s not Guinness.

Water ski show

“If Karl doesn’t notice us after this, it’s hopeless.”

Priceless

OK, I don’t have a smartass comment for this one. Beautiful smiles from children melt my heart. What can I say? I’m weak that way.

Yeah, that\'s her smiling

This little darling was dressed up as a southern belle, as many girls are at Cypress Gardens. We are in the deep south, after all. I saw her coming down the walk and ran to get a photo. Her mom said, “Smile, honey!” This was the result. If I’d wanted that kind of reaction I would have taken my clothes off in front of a woman.

Gratuitous Karl

Gratuitous Karl.

A boy after my own heart

Now there’s a boy after my own heart.

Charlie Daniels

He may look like Kenny Rogers, but this man seriously kicks ass. Look at the size of that belt buckle. It’s almost as big as my junk. And you KNOW that shit’s big.

    Music and Limbus...Play That Funky Music, White Boy...Happy Guinness Day!...

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41 Responses to “If I Start Liking Country Music I’ll Have to Kill My Mother”

  1. Amanda on April 20, 2008 2:22 am

    Is that lady not wearing a shirt? What kind of amusement park is this?

  2. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 2:30 am

    Amanda - It’s MY kind of amusement park.

  3. DutchBitch on April 20, 2008 2:44 am

    Grab the bird and shuv it in between her boobs. Double whammy:

    1) they look big enough to suffocate the bird, so bird dead
    2) you get to touch the boobs legally… well sorta…

    Shit! I’m good!

  4. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 2:50 am

    DutchBitch - I like the way you think.

  5. Winter on April 20, 2008 2:55 am

    If your mom decides to go see Tim McGraw, do NOT tell her no. Going to a Tim McGraw concert is like going to see Duran Duran in the 80’s… mass quantities of females…

  6. Mackenzie's Momma on April 20, 2008 2:58 am

    Seriously I am jealous! I had tickets to see Charlie Daniels last time he was in town, and I ended up sicker than a dog and had to give them to my friend. Have you heard about the weird ‘country’ tour going on at the moment? Its headlined by Brooks and Dunn, and ZZ Top.

  7. DaDuck on April 20, 2008 3:29 am

    coming from a Devil Driver, Slipknot, Queensÿche loving heavy metal girl, there are some great country songs out there.

    Maybe I will get back to my musical monday and put a couple up so you can leave your mother out of the killing plan;)

  8. hello haha narf on April 20, 2008 7:16 am

    i’ve seen charlie daniels live and really enjoyed it, but then again i don’t mind country. actually i love some of it. glad you had a good time…you are a wonderful son.

    regarding the photo of the woman and the bird…you only took that photo so that you could forever capture that woman’s boobies on film. admit it!

    things in the south are different than in the north. in the north, if some strange guy with a camera tried taking photos of little girls he would most likely get locked up…

  9. Nat on April 20, 2008 8:48 am

    To you I sing in a very off-key voice: “So I’m singin’
    Elvira, Elvira
    My heart’s on fire Elvira
    Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow
    Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow
    Heigh-ho Silver, away ”

    When I hear of the Oak Ridge Boys I think of that song.

    I’m not a big country music fan, but some of the cow-punk stuff is pretty fucking brilliant. And you can’t go wrong with great musicianship.

  10. martymankins on April 20, 2008 9:06 am

    Not a fan of country music, unless you count Johnny Cash, but he’s a legend, so I don’t count him. But I think I would have enjoyed this show just for the pure musical experience of it all.

    And cool that you and your mom go to concerts, even if 95% of them are ones she likes.

    I ended up at some country show once…. a band called Montgomery Gentry at the Utah State Fair. The girl I was dating at the time liked country. I went because I knew I’d get laid after the show… either that or I thought I was being nice by going with her.

  11. Cissa Fireheart on April 20, 2008 10:20 am

    Sounds like a Kick Ass Time! Charlie daniel’s ranch is down the road from my in-laws in Tennesee. Everytime I go visit, I am tempted to drive down by there and see if he’s out there…but thenmy good sense takes over….and I stay home.

    Nice pics. Love the little girl in the stroller!

  12. Hilly on April 20, 2008 10:24 am

    See, I thought you took a picture of bird lady as a way to sneaky peaky at her boobs later on, you know kind of like you did at Huntington Beach?

    ;)

  13. Avitable on April 20, 2008 10:35 am

    I was just going to say what Hilly said - I bet the real reason you took a picture was for the boobage.

  14. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 11:14 am

    Winter - Comparing a country star to Duran Duran? Sacrilege.

    Mackenzie’s Momma - What is it with rock bands touring with country acts? I’ve seen ZZ Top twice and I’d definitely see them again. But Brooks & Dunne? Urgh.

    DaDuck - wow, you’re seriously hardcore. I don’t get into heavy metal. Most any other kind of music, yeah. Except for opera. And even that has its exceptions. Mozart’s “The Magi Flute” is pretty amazing.

    Hello - You’re right about the photo thing. I actually took the photo of that smiling cutie without her mom knowing. She was sitting just down from us in the bleachers, watching the water ski show. She was just too bloody cute, that girl.

    Nat - Cow punk? I must know more.

    Martymankins - Amazing what we’ll do for women, isn’t it? And you’re right, Johnny Cash IS a legend. One of those incredibly unique voices. Even if you’d never heard a song before, if Cash sings on it you’ll recognize him within seconds.

    Cissa - Wow, never been to Tennessee, but I’ll tell you what…I’d hang with Charlie Daniels any day of the week. I don’t know how old he is now, but the guy can still play fiddle like nobody’s business.

    Hilly - Well, there may have been some boob incentive.

    Avitable - It was just icing on the cake, really.

  15. sizzle on April 20, 2008 11:32 am

    I think Hilly, Avitable and I are on the same page.

    The lady with the bird is for the BOOBS.

  16. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 11:35 am

    Sizzle - wait, is that wrong?

  17. John on April 20, 2008 11:44 am

    Hey, I’m totally down with you on Old School Country (I can’t stand it either). Having said that (and as you’ve already partially found out), the new crop of Country artists can really rock AND, yes, most of the Southern/”Country” Rock artists like the ones you mentioned are now mostly under the Country flag. - Looks like a great time, but what’s with the wallabees? What happened to them? That’s so sad!

  18. Mr. Fabulous on April 20, 2008 12:09 pm

    And really, for boobage like that, isn’t a broken watch a small price to pay?

  19. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 12:43 pm

    John - OK, maybe they were just sleeping. Calm down, don’t call the ASPCA or anything.

    Mr. Fabulous - You’d think so. Still, I feel naked without my watch!

  20. DaDuck on April 20, 2008 12:49 pm

    Yeah, I am totally hardcore! ;) I looooooooove metal, opera, swing and big band.

    Figure that out!

  21. Tug on April 20, 2008 12:58 pm

    Charlie Daniels not only rocks the music, but is a good showman, too! But Winter? Tim McGraw almost put me to sleep…maybe because I wasn’t checking out the chicks in the audience? ;-)

  22. floatingprincess on April 20, 2008 1:52 pm

    The birds do love the sparkly stuff! Our chickens keep trying to pick the diamond out of my ring and my husband had a raven that stole his tools because they were shiny. It’s only funny until you can’t find your keys!

    The little girl with the umbrella is the cutest! She looks like she is absolutely done with being in that dress and if she has to hold the umbrella one more minute she’s going to bash someone. Great pics!

  23. Stacey on April 20, 2008 3:18 pm

    You should have brought that little boy to meet the chick with the bird on her head.

  24. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 4:51 pm

    DaDuck - now that’s versatile.

    Tug - I’m afraid that’s the only reason I’d even consider going.

    Floatingprincess - Yeah, the fucking birds. They’re pretty until you realize they’re stealing your life away! And that little girl was adorable. Clearly NOT happy to be walking around in that dress.

    Stacey - Heck with that, I was going to have the boy introduce me to that blonde!

  25. Rxvenomqueen...or...Shiny...whichever on April 20, 2008 5:03 pm

    LMAO…you didn’t take the picture of the bird just because it was a thief! You wanted a picture of the hooters! Nice try, Karl!
    Great pictures! See now, if I ever saw a gigantic bottle of beer, I would’ve tipped it over in the hopes that there really was beer inside!!

  26. metalmom on April 20, 2008 6:03 pm

    Do you often approach little girls with a camera to take their pictures? That’s a little odd don’t you think?

  27. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 6:43 pm

    Rxvenom - Well, the hooters didn’t hurt, that’s for sure.

    Metalmom - No, I don’t, actually. The girl in the stroller was sitting down the bench from us and she was cute as hell. And then the girl in the blue dress was walking around the park with her parasol, so I asked her mom if it was okay.

    Kids are just awesome. They don’t yet know how fucked up the world is.

  28. Sybil Law on April 20, 2008 7:55 pm

    I am glad people got you to kinda admit that bird shot was for the boobs!
    I hate birds. Feathered rats with wings. Ick.
    You really are a good son!!
    I love some old school country, but the newer stuff - YUCK.
    I literally learned to play the violin because of the Charlie Daniel’s Band and that song!!!

  29. Secondhand Karl on April 20, 2008 9:12 pm

    Sybil Law - It really wasn’t for the boobs, honestly. But they turned out to be an added bonus in the shot after I looked at the photo later.

  30. Lisa on April 21, 2008 12:00 am

    “Gratuitous Karl” is my favorite picture :)

  31. Secondhand Karl on April 21, 2008 12:01 am

    Lisa - aw, you flatter me. Continue. ;)

  32. supertiff on April 21, 2008 2:06 am

    i always thought i hated country music (except for johnny cash…hello, i am an american, after all) but now you’ve gone and implicated the eagles. i LOVE the eagles. now i just don’t know what to do with myself.

  33. Penelope on April 21, 2008 3:30 am

    I *heart* Country music, which is unusual for a Brit, I just can’t help myself!
    I’m so jealous that you saw Charlie Daniels!
    Your taste in boobs is rather excellent too ;o)

  34. Secondhand Karl on April 21, 2008 7:41 am

    Supertiff - I love the Eagles. You know they started out as Linda Ronstadt’s backup band?

    Penelope - That really IS unusual for a Brit. It’s such American music, more than any other, I’d say.

  35. Lady Jaye on April 21, 2008 10:27 am

    Charlie Daniels is incredible. I saw him this past summer in my home-town at a summer festival we were hosting. I had the opportunity to “play” with him when I was in HS. My HS band had been invited to play in the Sugar Bowl my sophomore year and Charlie Daniels was the main act. So I can say that I got to play with him eventhough I couldn’t even see him from my position on the field.

  36. Secondhand Karl on April 21, 2008 2:53 pm

    Lady Jaye - that’s pretty cool. I’m just amazed that he wails on that fiddle like he does. Incredible.

  37. Queen Lynn on April 21, 2008 8:22 pm

    If you don’t like country music, just listen to Avitable singing Carrie Underwood’s song on his blog today. You will be swayed. And by swayed, I mean shocked.

  38. Secondhand Karl on April 21, 2008 9:06 pm

    Queen Lynn - Oh, I heard him, believe me.

  39. Whit on April 22, 2008 12:03 pm

    I saw Charlie Daniels open for Alabama 20 years ago. I dated a country girl.

    They were both really good and they did a version of Sweet Home Alabama together that kicked ass.

  40. Secondhand Karl on April 22, 2008 12:06 pm

    Whit - I’ll bet that rocked. Alabama, yeah, they were pretty big when I was in high school, too.

  41. Darcy Daniels on November 12, 2008 4:40 pm

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